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Chapter 109
What Couldn't Be Abandoned
Ferda wore a blank expression, unable to utter a single word.
'Eremvalt Rosnova.'
The Family Head of House Rosnova.
Ferda's father.
And the root that had made him a mage through the emotion called hatred.
E̊ ṅu m а̃
"What will you do?"
Ruri asked.
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It was a simple matter.
Just send him back.
Ferda had been driven out of House Rosnova, and he no longer used that surname, so they were strangers now.
Whatever he might say, there was no need to listen.
Ӗn ǔ mа̀.id́
After all, hearing those words would only mean reliving negative emotions that would never come to pass anyway.
Normally, that would have been the decided answer.
"Let him in. I will be ready."
"Understood."
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
Ferda decided to face him.
Even if it might be a mistake, he had to confirm it.
Ẁ е́ bñ о̊ vel Е̂ n̊ üm̃a
Whether this hatred was still alive.
***
After preparing for about 20 minutes, Ferda walked down the corridor toward the reception room.
Once he passed through this door, the very man who had kicked him out of the house would be waiting.
Ferda's feet would not move easily.
"Ruri."
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
He spoke to her, standing behind him instead.
"Yes."
"I will go in alone."
"Understood."
"And make it so that no one, including you, knows anything that happens in here."
"......What do you intend to do?"
E n u m а . і.d̂
Thinking it an excessive demand, she asked Ferda.
"I ask this of you."
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A request.
That word weighed heavier than a command.
That was why Ruri grew even more anxious.
"Understood."
Е n̄u̇ m̃ ӓ
Ruri quietly cast a barrier, sealing the space.
Ferda felt the space become completely isolated and stepped inside.
There he is.
That bastard who treated me horribly and cast me out.
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That bastard who returned my wounds with even deeper ones.
The moment that bastard saw Ferda, he put on a show of delight.
Ẅ ė b n̈ оvе̌l̇. Е n̂ u_ṁ.a
"Oh my, my son! My son has come!"
No, it was a pretense of delight.
His behavior was awkward enough that even children would notice.
Perhaps that was why his face felt even more pathetic.
Ferda thought it fortunate to feel such emotion.
Thanks to that disappointment, contrary to the thought that hatred would boil up, he found himself surprisingly calm.
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"Welcome, Family Head Rosnova-nim."
Ferda observed formalities, drawing a line between them.
Eremvalt showed a troubled expression.
Whatever he had been expecting, it was certain that Ferda's current attitude was not it.
Ferda sat opposite him and studied his face.
Eremvalt avoided Ferda's gaze and pushed something forward.
Ê nū mа̃
"It is honey from the bees raised in the Rosnova family territory. As you know, Regent-nim..."
"Yes, Rosnova family honey is quite delicious."
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"Yes, yes."
"But I don't like it much anymore."
"Ah, I suppose so. Since you will soon be 19 years old—."
"No. I almost died eating this."
Е n umа. і̊ d
Ferda's gaze turned cold as he stared at him.
"Your second son, Huren Rosnova, poured it into my mouth and blocked my airway."
His complexion turned pale.
Ferda continued calmly.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
"If I hadn't stuck my fingers down my throat and scooped it out, I would have died right there. Ever since then, just seeing a honey jar makes me tremble."
"I, I... that is...."
E_n ûḿ а̄
He seemed about to make the excuse that he didn't know.
"That day, there were five servants who witnessed it. Yet it seems not one of them reported it to the Family Head."
"I apologize. Even if I had ten mouths, I have no words. If you desire corporal punishment, I will carry it out myself. No, if your anger does not subside, I will bring them here and administer punishment...."
"No. It's fine. Let's get to the main point."
Ferda leaned back against the chair.
He no longer wanted to engage in pointless camaraderie.
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"That is... recently, Big Sister stormed into House Rosnova."
Big Sister.
Erdes Roton's nickname, a title of respect and simultaneously a term of contempt.
"She went to ask about me."
"Yes. She asked about you, Regent-nim."
"She must have told you everything."
Еn̈ǔmа́
"That is not the case. Not to that extent...."
"Don't even think about lying, Family Head Rosnova."
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Ferda gave a low warning.
"Erdes already knows I use black magic. Users of black magic face family extermination at minimum. The fact that you lot are alive means you denied my existence and spilled everything, doesn't it?"
Eremvalt flinched in shock.
His dry lips merely flapped open and shut repeatedly.
W е́ b nō v̇е l̄ Еn̄um̈ā
"Am I wrong?"
Ferda pressed for his answer.
Eremvalt broke into a cold sweat and bowed his head.
"It is... correct."
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Right, I knew.
From the moment he cast me out, the fact that he didn't think of me as his child.
Е n u m а.
'It's a story I already know.'
The past tried to surge up unbidden.
A surge of resentment welled up.
A headache rushed in, pressing down on his head.
"So you came all this way to make that confession?"
Ferda still could not understand the purpose of his visit.
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"There is just one thing I failed to tell you, so I came to say it."
"Speak."
"Regent-nim... do you remember Anna Rosnova?"
What?
That single phrase was enough to provoke Ferda.
Eremvalt, watching Ferda's complexion, corrected his words.
Е́ n̂u m_а̄ . id̈
"No, what I want to ask is... do you truly remember your mother, Anna Rosnova?"
Even the words he chose as an excuse failed to suppress Ferda's mood.
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"That's obvious, isn't it? She is my mother. And she was also the Family Head's wife."
"That would be right. It should be so, but...."
Eremvalt continued with difficulty.
"That memory is... too unfamiliar to me."
Ӗ n ū m̃а́
It digs in.
Eremvalt's words seemed to dig into Ferda's heart.
It felt like hearing a terrible joke.
Anger rose, and laughter burst out.
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He felt like he was losing his mind.
Ferda forced himself to answer rationally.
Ẁ e b́ n о vё l Ě ň ů mа̃
"My mother, Anna Rosnova, had blonde hair and blue eyes. You praised her as a woman of beauty too excessive even for me."
In Ferda's mind, every moment flashed by like a revolving lantern.
Eating together, laughing, holding hands, whispering love—he remembered it all vividly.
Even Ferda, who had gotten goosebumps at those displays, remembered them clearly. For the person himself to not remember made no sense.
"The only thing I remember in my right mind is just one thing. A vagrant carrying a child walking in."
Eremvalt said.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
No, 'spat out' was the more fitting word.
To Ferda, it was no different from spitting.
"Come to think of it, I... had no reason to accept that woman. Though I had lost my wife, I had two sons, and I was not lonely. I only recalled that again after that woman died. So...."
"So what are you trying to say?"
He spoke while looking at Ferda with a face soaked in fear.
"I wanted to tell you that from the beginning, you and I did not share blood. So please...."
W̊е̊ b n̈ ȯṽ ël̊ Еn̄ ŭ ṁ а
He bowed his head.
"I ask that you completely sever ties with House Rosnova now."
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
Ferda could not speak.
In his head, he tried to choose his words, but he couldn't grasp a single one.
His mind was in chaos.
Why do I have to listen to this shit?
Ė n u̇.m̊ a
Had he come to pick at a healed wound before someone who thought he could forget everything and live on?
After barely putting everything down and leaving.
Why drag it back up and bring it to me?
More than anything, why are you, the one I hated most, doing this to me once more....
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Ferda felt his consciousness fading.
Emotions tried to devour him.
Ŵ.е́_b nоṽ_e l̂ Е́ñum̌а̊
He quietly closed his eyes.
He tried to calm his heart.
But what he felt was the movement of his circuits.
And a sweet whisper.
Ferda knew that voice.
It was the voice he had heard in his ears when Ruri was in danger.
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Kill him.
Kill him.
Back then you made him an empty shell, now strangle him and kill him.
You have to pay back as much as he hurt you.
Why are you hesitating?
Killing once is hard,
Е̇ǹ u ḿа
But twice is easy, right?
At those words, Ferda snapped to his senses.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
The circuits in his chest were spinning.
Spinning like mad, it felt like they would reach the 6th Circle any moment.
But that wasn't the end.
When he opened his eyes again, he witnessed a startling sight.
W̆е̂.b̊ ǹ о̆ vе̊ ľ Éǹú m̃ а
What extended behind the flustered Eremvalt Rosnova was a pair of black arms.
Could Eremvalt use Shadow Arts too?
That was impossible.
Those shadows were limbs created by Ferda's will.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
They had approached right before his nose, ready to seize Eremvalt's throat at any moment.
Ferda hurriedly withdrew those hands.
We̊ b nó v̊e̊ l̈ Ё ṅu m̆а̊
Suppressing his spinning emotions, he spoke in a rational voice.
"Please leave, Family Head Rosnova."
Even so, an ominous energy wafted thickly.
Emervalt hurriedly rose from his seat.
Just as he was about to exit the door, he paused briefly and looked back.
"Thank you for your mercy, Regent-nim."
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Saying that, he left.
Was it squeezing out the last remaining negativity, or was it flattery to reduce future troubles?
Ferda had no way of knowing.
His mind was a mess.
"Ferda-nim."
As he left, Ruri entered.
Ẇе b̆ n̆_о̂ v̆e l Ē ñ um å
"What conversation took place for him to leave with that expression...."
Ruri couldn't continue.
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
Ferda stared blankly at the air with his head bowed.
It was a face Ruri had never seen even once.
"Ruri."
From his barely opened mouth came a heavy voice.
Е̇ n̄ û m̌а
"May I ask one favor?"
"Please speak."
Ferda said in a trembling voice.
"I... want to go see my mother."
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"Understood. Just tell me the location and I will take you there immediately."
"I just need to go to House Rosnova."
Еn û m̄_а̌
"Yes."
Out on the terrace, Ruri hugged Ferda tightly.
Not like transporting luggage, but like an embrace.
She flew like a comet, arriving in front of the Rosnova family mansion's main gate in an instant.
"Where is the grave site?"
Ferda did not answer.
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Instead, he turned his steps and began walking somewhere.
It was not toward House Rosnova.
Ruri, who had naturally assumed the grave would be somewhere in the mansion, quietly followed behind him.
Ferda walked without saying a word.
Ruri knew what shitty stamina he had.
Before long, his rough breathing and heartbeat reached her ears.
É ñ u.m à . і̀ d̂
"Ferda-nim."
"......."
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"Your breathing is labored. Would it not be better to rest a little?"
Ferda did not answer.
He simply kept moving his feet like a man possessed.
Ruri could have stood in front of him and stopped him.
Ē.n ü m а.і̄d̈
But she lacked the confidence to do so.
What heavy burden weighed on those shoulders.
And she lacked the confidence to face whatever expression he wore right now.
She followed behind Ferda without a word.
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He sweated profusely, gasping dry breaths, until his feet finally stopped.
It was a plain.
Еn̂u mа
A dry plain with a single tree stump.
It didn't feel like he stopped simply from exhaustion.
"Is this the place?"
Ferda nodded.
"Where is the grave site?"
Ruri looked around several times just in case.
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But no matter how she searched, there was no trace of anyone being buried.
"There is no grave site."
Ferda reached his hand into the air.
"Here... I sent my mother off."
"You... cremated her?"
For a prestigious knight family, burial was the principle upon death.
Еǹ um̀_ǎ
No matter how much she was a concubine, if she became a member of a knight family, she had to be buried in the family grave site.
"When Mother passed, they hurriedly burned the body. They even tried to dispose of the aftermath through servants, like throwing away trash."
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"......."
"So I cleaned it all up. I carefully wrapped the ashes one by one and put them in a jar."
Ferda looked down at his own hands.
They were empty, but the sensation of touching those ashes was still vivid in his hands.
Е̇.n uṁ а̊
"That day, I wanted to scatter the ashes where Father wouldn't know. Even if they scattered in the wind, I wanted to find a place to remember."
"......."
"So I walked until I felt like my soul would leave my body, barely arriving at a place. That was right here."
Ferda raised his head to the sky.
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Traces of life coldly scattered across the dry sky and land.
Ferda's gaze lowered to the tree stump.
E̊ n̊ŭ ḿ a.
"Originally, there was a single tree here. A lonely tree standing in the plain. It looked like me, left all alone, so I secretly scattered the ashes under this tree."
"But why is there only a stump...."
"A servant had followed me. And cut down that tree."
"......Did they do such a cruel thing to a son who lost his mother?"
Ruri was enraged.
Knowing how precious family was, this matter was not light for her either.
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She clenched her fist tight.
When sending that bastard off, she thought she should have threatened him thoroughly.
"I thought it was my fault."
Ferda's voice trembled.
"If I hadn't been weak, if I had shown talent as a fine knight in the household, I could have protected my heart that cherished Mother... or so I thought."
His own weakness.
W̌ е́b̂ ń о́ v ёl̄ Е ń u m̀ а
A weak body that left no trace even when he put in effort.
Until the day he died, Ferda's body was never strong.
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"That was how I was driven from the house."
Up to here was the story Ruri knew.
After that, only Ferda knew.
Ferda spilled it out in a rush.
W ebň о v е l Ёnum̊ ӑ
"I trained as a mage, and in a short time I overtook even talented mages all at once. I reached the 3rd Circle."
The Ferda of that time was not overwhelmed by the emotion called hatred.
In his heart were a young boy and an angel who wanted recognition.
The young boy thought.
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Perhaps Eremvalt would accept me as I am now?
In truth, Eremvalt was a father overflowing with paternal affection.
W̆ еb n̂òvе̇l̃ E̊ num а́
He was faithful to his wife, a good father who spared no advice for his sons, and at one time had been Ferda's idol.
He simply didn't do that for Ferda alone.
The angel in his heart spoke.
That the family bond still remained.
The boy believed that angel.
He wanted to realize that the world didn't contain only malice.
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The young boy Ferda hoped his pathetic father would ask for forgiveness.
-Where do you think you are, stepping foot in here!
What returned when he entered the mansion was a roar like he was facing a mortal enemy.
-You are no longer my son! You learned a few magic tricks and dare show your face again!? Get the hell out right now!
Words hotter than fire, colder than ice.
Eldest son Ellen and Huren personally beat Ferda, who endured, and drove him out.
Е ň ü m̀á
It rained that day.
Blood in his mouth, body soaked.
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Half-crippled, Ferda wouldn't have been strange to die at any moment.
If he hadn't crawled with stubbornness and laid his body in the shade, he would surely have become a corpse.
That day, the young boy realized.
That hope was an illusion that made a miserable life continue.
We b ñ ov е l Ӗ n̆ um ã
The young boy killed the angel.
What filled that heart was only a devil's voice dripping with malice.
Beg for mercy and greater pain remains; at the end of hatred, he embraced another hatred.
Only when he felt emptiness at that end did he finally regret everything.
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"I thought... that was the end."
He greatly regretted at the end, and decided to live for only one clearer purpose.
Еn̂u m à_
That devil had surely died.
So the purity of that day would return to his heart.
"But it hadn't changed."
"What is that?"
"Hatred."
A small monster created by his father.
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"The hatred that made me a monster, that made me into such a futile shell...."
Ferda clutched his own chest.
"Still remains in this chest."
Ruri, looking down at him, could not say a word.
The silence was broken by Ferda again.
"Ruri."
Еňů m а̌ . і́d
"......Yes."
"When I met Father then, I tried to kill him."
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"A father like that deserves to die."
"That wasn't my will."
What Ferda feared most was that.
Like he had unconsciously tried to kill his own father, he wondered if he was unconsciously choosing options to kill Valdrova too.
Ѐ n̂ um_а̀
The fact that possibility still remained was an unbearably heavy burden to Ferda.
But how could he say that?
He didn't want to burden Ruri any further.
"Stop saying such pathetic things."
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Ruri grumbled, scolding him.
"You are the Regent of the Valdrova Grand Duchy, the ruler of Hestia Village, and the Great Fire's Fiancé. Didn't you put on the crown prepared to have your neck broken?"
Еn u m̈а̄
"......."
"You must not make such weak sounds either. Straighten your back, put strength in your shoulders. And make an expression befitting that. It is a luxury for Ferda-nim to have such worries. You cannot waste time in a place like this. Hurry back and do your work."
Ruri took a step closer.
"If Ferda-nim loses your judgment and becomes a monster...."
Her two small hands reach out.
"With these hands."
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Her two hands wrapped around his neck.
Soft skin spread warmth.
Following her gesture, Ferda's head lifted.
What Ruri wore was a clumsy adult's mask.
"I will execute you."
Such bluster couldn't hide the mask cracking more and more.
Ë nú m å . ïd́
"So...."
A face overcome with sadness.
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"That stupid face... please leave it only in this moment forever."
His emotions were trying to erode even Ruri.
If Ruri is like this, what about Valdrova?
She would suffer even more.
Е n̂ŭ m̌а. ї d
Ferda felt his head clearing again.
"I've been helped by you again."
Ferda smiled faintly.
"Thank you."
Dilarang mengopy novel dari Enuma.id.
* * *
Meanwhile, there was someone watching Ferda and Ruri from afar.
Ẁ ё_b̄n о v̌ е̇ l̄ Ӗn̄um̊ȧ
It was Olivia Arken.
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